Musky Matthew McConaughey

HUDSON BEGGED SMELLY McCONAUGHEY TO WEAR DEODORANT

Kate Hudson was so put off by her Fool’s Gold co-star Matthew Mcconaughey’s natural odour she begged him to reconsider his no-deodorant stance for love scenes. The movie hunk famously refuses to wear scents – something which his latest co-star found disgusting.

He reveals, “She always brings a salt rock, which is some natural deodorant, and says, ‘Would you please put this on?’ “I just never wore it. No cologne, no deodorant.” McConaughey insists Hudson is his only co-star who has ever complained about his smell, adding that a good diet and regular showers help him stay fresh.

He adds, “I take a few (showers) a day.” (source)

I’m sure you’re a very cleanliness-conscious guy, Matt, but the bit about the good diet is a load of crap. There is no diet which prevents bacteria from proliferating in the vicinity of the armpit. And as for the showers: I’m sure those help for a while, but my guess is that your armpits really do begin to stink under hot lights on the set.

I surmise that no one else complained about your pit odor because 1.) They weren’t outspoken enough to mention that you smell like a locker room 2.) They were so awed by your star status that they overlooked it (but probably whispered about it when your back was turned).

This is planet Earth, and people are people, wherever you go.

You’re completely free to continue avoiding deodorants, Matthew. Just don’t tell us that our noses are deceiving us. You might also consider moving to France, where no one will notice.* Heaven knows, you can probably afford it.

“Stinky Cheese Disease”

I’ve decided it might be fun to feature posts, from around WordPress, on the general topic of stench. It’s pertinent and it’s often amusing (or disgusting).

To kick things off, I’d like to highlight a post from Currently Dreaming’s Weblog entitled “Stinky Cheese Disease”–

So, I’m strolling the aisles of the grocery store, like I do every week, minding my own business…when a smell so hideous that my eyes start to water does a full-body slam on me. I look up from my grocery list and see YOU. The Man in the Dirty Overalls. I push my cart at warp speed to get around you, skid around the end display and say a prayer in the fresh air in front of the pickle display.

“Please don’t follow me! Please don’t follow me! Please don’t follow me!”

Read the Entire Article

You have our sympathy, Currentlydreaming – for while “Things That Stink” documents that which issues from the Crack of the Earth, we do not enjoy the direct experience of stench, especially when its source is the crust covering the body of a chronically stinky person in bib overalls. Not long ago we were at a book sale, and therein was a man with pit odor so rank, so strong, that it would have been impossible to distinguish him from a vat of month old Spaghetti-Os. We were not pleased.

“Sootikins”

The following passage is excerpted from “The Role of Cats in Nursery Rhymes,” by Sarah Hartwell–

THE CAT AND THE QUEEN

Pussy-cat, Pussy-cat where have you been?
I’ve been to London to look at the Queen.
Pussy-cat, Pussy-cat, what did you there?
I frightened a little mouse under a [her] chair.

One explanation of the origins of this rhyme goes back to 16th century England. One of the staff of Queen Elizabeth I (Good Queen Bess) was said to have had an old cat which tended to roam throughout one of the royal residences. On one occasion the cat apparently went underneath the throne (the “chair”) and its tail brushed against the Queen’s foot, startling her. Luckily Queen Elizabeth was amused and declared that the cat could wander through the throne room as long as it kept it free of mice!

Another suggested meaning of this relates to the poor hygiene of a different queen and is perhaps a cautionary tale about hygiene in general. Undergarments were uncommon among poorer women before the nineteenth century and dust, ash and general grime accumulated on the genitalia just as it did elsewhere on the body….

Poo Flags: The Sequel

Have you ever been walking along the street or through a park, and encountered a pile of dog crap? If so, hopefully you gave it wide berth. Yet, even the best of us gets shit on his/her shiny brown shoes from time to time, because there’s a lot of it to go around.

I’ll bet you were irritated, when you got dog crap firmly embedded in the tread of your tennies.

Most cities have ordinances about this, yet they are largely unenforceable because dookie is a transient affair. If the cop isn’t there to see it happening, chances are the guy on the other end of the leash will go unpunished.*

When I worked for the Bellingham Parks and Recreation Dept., in the 90s, we had a meeting about dog poop in the parks. We were told that up to that point, a couple of parks personnel had been deputized, so as to be able to issue citations (mind you, this is two deputized employees in a city of 75,000, with more greenspace per capita than most cities of its size in the U.S.). However, due to the fact that there were so many indigents and “crazies” in the parks, this practice was no longer considered safe, and was terminated. And so the goal of the meeting was to educate us, the seasonal workers, about our “responsibility” when we observed someone letting his dog do his business in the parks, and then not cleaning it up: we were supposed to approach them and politely tell them about the [unenforcable] dookie ordinance.

One of the last things the speaker said at the meeting that morning was, “It’s important to remember: you have no authority, but you do have a responsibility….”

HA! I laugh on you, you pinhead. For $6.00/hr, 6-months-a-year hard labor, with next-to-zero opportunity for advancement, all that statement gets out of me is contempt.

Here’s a way to make a statement about dog crap that might at least make you feel better, and also might catch the attention of the powers that be in your particular jurisdiction. All you have to do is to save and print the PDF file I’ve created (linked to below) and then construct little poo flags with toothpicks. Or, if you wish to make a really prominent statement, use a long bamboo barbecue skewer (if you can get it to stand up).

Unlike the Dubya poo flags, this is not a political, but rather a civic statement. A statement about the dookie and the dog-owner, rather than a utilization of the dookie as a platform for a political statement.

Ergo: sure, Dubya stinks, but so does dog crap on the sidewalk.

Click here to download the PDF file

Here’s a shot of two completed poo flags. I presume you’re able to figure out how to make them on your own.

*I expect that increasing video surveillance on the streets of U.S. cities will make doo-doo infractions more susceptible to prosecution (not that I approve of constantly expanding video surveillance). Even in that case, however, it won’t always be possible to track the individual down. Unless, of course, we all have chips embedded in our necks or the backs of our heads.

“Geek Stink Breath”

Quickcare.org describes how methamphetamine causes halitosis–

How does methamphetamine cause bad breath?

Methamphetamines increase the acid content of stomach fluids and saliva. The acid damages the teeth, which can lead to bad breath. It also decreases the amount of saliva in the mouth. Dry mouth can cause bad breath.

How else can methamphetamine cause bad breath? Meth users tend to grind their teeth and they also crave sugar. Grinding the teeth and eating excessive sweets leads to very poor condition of the teeth. Bad teeth tend to equal bad breath.

Can methamphetamine cause bad breath in other ways? It mainly causes bad breath by damaging the teeth. However, it is harmful to the whole body, and as it affects the internal organs, it can cause bad breath due to problems in the digestive tract as well.

Which leads us to the Green Day tune, “Geek Stink Breath”–

GEEK STINK BREATH

I’m on a mission
I made my decision
To lead a path of self destruction
A slow progression
Killing my complexion
And it’s rotting out my teeth

I’m on a roll
No self control
I’m blowing off steam with methamphetamine
Don’t know what I want
That’s all that I’ve got
And I’m picking scabs off my face

Tonsilloliths

A “tonsillolith,” commonly referred to as a “tonsil stone,” is a nodule that forms in back of the mouth, in the fissures of the tonsils. They are believed to be a composite of bacteria, particles of food, and deceased white blood cells. Analysis has disclosed high levels of sulfur, thus they usually have a pungent odor, which has been described by some as “concentrated” or “condensed halitosis.” When crushed, they are said to exude an odor like rotten eggs.

While a definite nuisance, tonsil stones are not known to be medically harmful. As for being socially damaging – well, that’s a whole different ball of…halitosis. I had a professor in college whose breath could be smelled across the room, and there was much discussion among the student body as to what was responsible for his chronic butt-breath. In retrospect, I now wonder if he might have been afflicted with tonsil stones.