Category Archives: The Unwashed Masses

What’s up Your Butt

Public health advertisements which read “What’s up your butt?” and feature people with pained expressions on their faces, will not grace billboards in Benton and Franklin counties after all. It’s probably for the best: I know that the sight of someone grimacing because the doc is plumbing their back-passage doesn’t exactly inspire me to head down to the clinic to get my keester probed. Might as well have them biting down on a pencil.

Via the Bellingham, WA Herald

Health district pulls out of colon cancer campaign

KENNEWICK — The Benton Franklin Health District will not endorse a colon cancer billboard campaign after all.

Benton County Commissioner Jim Beaver, who is chairman the health district board, announced Thursday, “Benton County won’t be a supporter of that particular advertisement and that campaign.”

Plans were to bring the “What’s up your butt?” campaign from Yakima County to the Tri-Cities. It uses provocative language to encourage testing for colon cancer.

Read more: http://www.bellinghamherald.com/2011/04/22/1980473/benton-franklin-health-district.html#storylink=mirelated#ixzz1NWTDYpPJ

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Utah Lad Wins 36th National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest

Excerpt from full article in the Deseret Times:

They rated the shoes for condition and smell, eventually settling on [Sterling] Brinkerhoff’s torn, once-white low cuts as the worst of the worst.

“They were foul,” said Fraser, a 17-time judge. “There were two or three (entries) that were the kind you smell from a distance.”

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UK Theme Park Cracks Down on B.O.

no_boThorpe Park bans rollercoaster fans from putting hands in air – due to body odour

Thorpe Park is banning visitors from putting their hands in the air while riding its rollercoasters following complaints about body odour….

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My commentary:

This sort of thing would never fly in the United States, where we jealously guard our right to be smelly. I do believe I have a solution for the Brits, however, that will save them from having to post signs, codify the “no raised arms on the coaster” rule, and escort non-compliant individuals off the premises with all the attendant embarassment and hard feelings such militancy doubtless engenders. My solution is quite simple and inexpensive. It’s called:

UNDERARM DEODORANT/ANTIPERSPIRANT EFFECTIVELY PREVENTS PIT-STENCHYes, indeed, quite a few years ago someone came up with an invention. An inexpensive preparation sold at most retail outlets, called “Underarm Antiperspirant/Deodorant.” I have found it to be most effective. For example, I am attending the county fair tomorrow. It will be a hot day, and like most of the men in my family, I tend to perspire heavily. However, I will shower in the morning before I leave, and after the shower, I will apply this miraculous preparation to my underarms, and I positively GUARANTEE, my furry pits will be a sweet as a spring meadow come nightfall.

Y’all across the pond need to get yer heads on straight. No wonder Noel Coward wrote the lines, “Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun….”

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Top Ten Posts @ Things That Stink

Just to give you an idea of what sort of stinky things interest the unwashed masses, here are the top ten posts, as measured in pageviews, for the last four months. In countdown style, a la Letterman–

10.) 1000-year-old eggs

9.) The Stink List (page)

8.) Andouillette: French Pig-Colon Sausage

7.) Michelle Obama on Barack: “snore-y and stinky guy”

6.) “NodorO” Eliminates MGO (Male Genital Odor)

5.) Eva Mendes-Cameron Diaz Fart/Belch-Off

4.) Ask Uncle Stinky (page)

3.) Tonsilloliths

2.) Classifying Crap: The Bristol Stool Scale

*Drum roll* And the number one post for the last four months is…

1.) From The Best of Craigslist: “Don’t Shave Your Ass-Hair!”

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Comcast: Stinky Tactics

I got an e-mail with a video link from Tim Carr, campaign director at savetheinternet.com this morning.

We just caught Comcast Corp. stacking an FCC hearing with paid (and apparently sleepy) seat-fillers.

The hearing was set up to investigate Comcast’s recent blocking of the Internet. But Comcast packed the room so that the public couldn’t get in to voice their support for Net Neutrality.

We took pictures and recorded an interview that proves Comcast was taking seats from concerned citizens. Now, we need you to make sure that the company doesn’t get away with this ever again.

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Those smelly Serbians…

Boss Bans Smelly Undies

The boss of a Serbian company has banned staff from coming into work with dirty underwear.

Milomir Gligorijevic said: “I am fed up with people with poor personal hygiene standards. I have now made it a sackable offence for people to come in without having a shower – or with dirty underwear.”

He has also banned staff from smelling after eating garlic – warning that they need to make sure they brush their teeth – and use perfume and deodorant.

Gligorijevic, who runs a 30-staff stationery company in the capital Belgrade, sent out an official memo to all employees demanding they adopt good standards of personal hygiene. The memo warned all employees to make sure they brush their teeth, take showers regularly and change their underpants every day. He did not say how he would make sure his clean underpants rule was followed but warned it would be enforced. ananova

From the [Pakistan] Daily Times

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Forget the Axe™, go with the pit-stink

Well, I think it’s pretty clear that wearing Axe™ or Tag™ doesn’t induce women to knock over displays at the grocery store trying to jump your bones…so, men, if you’re really desperate, maybe just letting those pits simmer in the summer sun will get you noticed.

Ya think, ladies?

Male Sweat Boosts Women’s Hormone Levels

[Excerpt]

..Sweat has been the main focus of research on human pheromones, and in fact, male underarm sweat has been shown to improve women’s moods and affect their secretion of luteinizing hormone, which is normally involved in stimulating ovulation…

Read the article

Now, is this a good job, or what?

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Top 5 posts

The top five posts at Things That Stink, for the last 90 days, were:

And since, out of these five posts, “Musky Matthew McConaughey” is the most recent, by far (Feb. 1), it appears that the earthy miasma of this Tinseltown hunkster’s armpits (according to Fool’s Gold co-star Kate Hudson) deeply interests some people.

Oh – and I should note that some of the incoming links on the Matthew McConaughey post are from gay sites, replete with generally artless photos of large tumescent appendages. Henceforth, I think I will call this the “Flamin’ response” which is a play on the scientific term, “Flehmen Response,” a phenomenon which has everything to do with the sense of smell.

Flehmen response in the common tapir

“Flehmen response” in the common Tapir (Tapirus terrestrsis)

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I Love NY, and it stinks

A big ball of garbageMaybe you’ve seen the Futurama episode, “A Big Piece of Garbage,” where “New” New York is threatened by an enormous ball of garbage launched into space by “Old” New York a millenium earlier. That’s not so far fetched, really–

As landfills close in big cities, garbage travels farther

From the Jackson Hole Star Tribune

NEW YORK (AP) — The trains that rumble from the Harlem River rail yard in the South Bronx are sealed tight, but there is no mistaking what lies inside them.

The stench gives it away. The trains, some a mile long, are filled with garbage.

The railcars are part of an armada that performs a nearly constant exodus of waste from the nation’s largest city. Each day, trains and trucks carry 50,000 tons of trash from New York to huge landfills and incinerators in New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and South Carolina….

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Smells like Avril® Lavigne

Smell’s Like Avril

Between an Avril® line of personal care products and Leslie Feist’s lucrative fornication with Apple®, Inc., Canada is going to get a reputation for producing money-grubbing popsters.

Eau de Avril in the works?

From Canoe-Jam

….Documents filed last month with the United States Patent and Trademark Office say the singer wants exclusive rights to her own name when it comes to products including fragrances, aftershave, bath soap, body lotion and talc

The move has got blogs and fan sites wondering about a possible product line….

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