Tag Archives: Smelly

“Caveman” Must Wash

‘Cave man’ must wash

Wash that nasty ass, caveman!

Oslo, Norway (Aftenposten)–A city magistrate has ruled that Oslo’s so-called “cave man,” who once lived in a pile of garbage near the city’s university campus, must agree to wash himself since he’s now living in a publicly funded nursing home. He objects, and vows to take his case to Norway’s supreme court.

The “cave man’s” case has been brewing in the courts for months, and was sent back to the magistrate’s level because of some judicial errors.

He’s still insisting that he can’t be forced to wash, and will only do so if he so chooses. His lawyer called forced washings “an extremely serious assault on the private sphere.”

The 54-year-old man is a former physics student who’s lack of personal hygiene led to his expulsion from student housing back in the late 1970s. He then started living in a pile of garbage adjacent to the campus, and public authorities let him be.

Health problems led to his admission to the nursing home two years ago, but once there he caused a stink, quite literally. Staff insisted he follow the rules of the institution out of consideration for his fellow residents and infection control.

City officials were pleased with the magistrate’s decision. The “cave man” was not, and he also has reported his forced washings to the police.

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Romance: Gone With The Wind

Sexy, or what?Quite a few years ago, my ex-wife worked with a young lady whose husband was beset by chronic flatulence. Apparently he had decided to embrace his condition, and so he would brazenly break wind and make rude comments about it, often in the most inappropriate social settings. For example, at my wife’s company picnic as we were eating, seated at picnic tables with various of her co-workers and their families, he would from time-to-time lift an ass-cheek, let one go, and say things like, “Whoa, you’d best get upwind from that one,” or “Smell the crack of the Earth…”

Charmed, I’m sure. I’d never seen anything like it. Despite my fascination with the vulgar, even I know where the line of propriety versus impropriety falls.

After we arrived home that evening, my wife told me that this odoriferous fellow, when at home with his wife, would cut enormous protracted farts beneath the bedclothes in the morning, and then forcibly confine the poor woman’s head underneath the blankets until she could hold her breath no longer.

This is tantamount to abuse to my thinking, but what’s worse is that she was beautiful. I mean, a tall, long-legged country girl descended from German milkmaids, with golden hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a face to lauch a thousand ships.

Sigh. There’s no accounting for taste. I guess there must have been something to love about the guy, despite the affrontery of his overactive butt.

The following article was the catalyst for my calling this stinky, stinky man to mind–

Sex life has gone with husband’s wind

Q: I AND my husband are having big arguments over his disgusting habit of getting into bed every night and then spending 10 minutes breaking wind, stinking out the room.After that, I obviously have no interest whatsoever in having sex with him.

He says it’s natural, but as I have pointed out to him many times, so is going to the lavatory, but no one would dream of doing it in the bed.

We have only been married for six months. He seldom did it when we were just engaged, but he says now we’re married, he wants to be able to relax in his own bed in his own house.

Read the advice columnist’s reply

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Starbucks verdict on “smelly sandwiches” suffers backlash

Stinky like a dead dog?A little over a month ago, I made a post entitled “Starbucks corporate analysts: sausage on a roll stinks like a dead dog,” expressing my opinion that their decision to remove the “odoriferous” sandwiches from their menus is “…a bunch of smelly, nouveau-rich, pop-culture mock-elitist bullshit….”

The backlash is here. And it’s doing abysmally, because y’all want smarmy stuff like pumpkin-cream cheese scones with chocolate chips for brekkie, I guess.

Andrew Beaujon of Washington City Paper weighs in on the issue:

You Can Pry My Peppered Bacon, Aged Cheddar, and Egg From My Cold, Dead Hands

Involuntarily, I shouted “NOOOO!” when I read this line in the Times‘ story about Starbucks’ three-hour training session last night:

Lest anyone doubt that Starbucks is serious, employees were reminded that the chain intended to get rid of odoriferous breakfast sandwiches, just so customers can smell the coffee again.

Couldn’t they just get rid of the tea, or the Marcus Samuelsson–inspired baked goods, instead? I’ve got two kids, and sometimes those sandwiches are the only reason I have anything to eat before noon. Oh but wait: The Internet comes to the rescue

Meanwhile, the food critic at the San Diego Union-Tribune asks:

…I’ve endured parched maple scones in L.A., sickly-sweet streusel coffeecake in Chicago and a muffin in the Boston airport that didn’t make it past the first trash can.

What’s with Starbucks’ pastries? How can they be uniformly dry and tasteless in markets across the country? How can a company that prides itself on consistency and quality control of its coffee products be so hopelessly out of the loop with its edibles…?

Read the entire column

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A smelly slogan

Last August, after an all day airshow, my brother and I were making the long trek across the brown fields back to the car when we encountered a spilled porta-pottie. A truck had been transporting the odoriferous receptacle and it had been upset somehow, dumping its contents onto the ground.

The smell was abominable and we gave it wide berth, but not before I snapped a picture of the tanker truck that was there to vacuum up the mess–

No. 1 in the No. 2 business

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A Malodorous Bloom

Smelly Orlando Bloom Needs To Wash More

Model girlfriend kicks up a stink over his poor personal hygiene…

Orlando Bloom’s on-off girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, is reportedly insisting the actor clean up his act – literally….

Read it (entertainmentwise.com)

Bloom and Kerr

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Kelly Rowland: Smells Like Onions

Kelly ‘Ooh, I love Onions’ Rowland Kelly Rowland caused a massive stink on a flight – with a sandwich.

The former Destiny’s Child star hates eating plane food so she decided to grab a “smelly” Subway takeaway roll laden with onions before boarding.

She said: “I took a Subway sandwich onto a plane and I was in first class. The other passengers were not happy with the smell! I looked around and could see a lot of disgusted faces. I put everything on it, and the onions made it really smelly!”

Although none of her fellow passengers scolded the singer, Kelly already had her excuse readied in case someone did shout at her.

She added: “If I think I’m going to get into trouble I always say that I’m sick. Then they feel like they can’t really be cross with you. They think you are too feeble for them to be angry with you.”

Source

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I Love NY, and it stinks

A big ball of garbageMaybe you’ve seen the Futurama episode, “A Big Piece of Garbage,” where “New” New York is threatened by an enormous ball of garbage launched into space by “Old” New York a millenium earlier. That’s not so far fetched, really–

As landfills close in big cities, garbage travels farther

From the Jackson Hole Star Tribune

NEW YORK (AP) — The trains that rumble from the Harlem River rail yard in the South Bronx are sealed tight, but there is no mistaking what lies inside them.

The stench gives it away. The trains, some a mile long, are filled with garbage.

The railcars are part of an armada that performs a nearly constant exodus of waste from the nation’s largest city. Each day, trains and trucks carry 50,000 tons of trash from New York to huge landfills and incinerators in New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and South Carolina….

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Food Service Employees Must Wash

Almost goes without saying, right?

Wrong.

Don’t Let This Happen to YOU!Businesses beware of how you treat stink, stinkers

Beth Stephenson
The Edmond Sun

EDMOND, OKLAHOMA— We love our pretty town and cheer for local businesses to do well, but lately, I’ve had my loyalty a little bruised. It’s one issue if the product or service is not to my taste, but often the issue is customer service or something more subtle that can and ought to be corrected. Edmond businesses reflect on our whole city, so let’s shape up some of these little problems.

Your employees must wash. Not only their bodies and hair, but also their clothing. It’s one thing for a laborer to get a little ripe, but if that happens, they need to stay in the open air. It’s horrid if that stinker is handling your food….

Read the entire article

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Musky Matthew McConaughey

Musky Matt McConaugheyHUDSON BEGGED SMELLY McCONAUGHEY TO WEAR DEODORANT

Kate Hudson was so put off by her Fool’s Gold co-star Matthew Mcconaughey’s natural odour she begged him to reconsider his no-deodorant stance for love scenes. The movie hunk famously refuses to wear scents – something which his latest co-star found disgusting.

He reveals, “She always brings a salt rock, which is some natural deodorant, and says, ‘Would you please put this on?’ “I just never wore it. No cologne, no deodorant.” McConaughey insists Hudson is his only co-star who has ever complained about his smell, adding that a good diet and regular showers help him stay fresh.

He adds, “I take a few (showers) a day.” (source)

I’m sure you’re a very cleanliness-conscious guy, Matt, but the bit about the good diet is a load of crap. There is no diet which prevents bacteria from proliferating in the vicinity of the armpit. And as for the showers: I’m sure those help for a while, but my guess is that your armpits really do begin to stink under hot lights on the set.

I surmise that no one else complained about your pit odor because 1.) They weren’t outspoken enough to mention that you smell like a locker room 2.) They were so awed by your star status that they overlooked it (but probably whispered about it when your back was turned).

This is planet Earth, and people are people, wherever you go.

You’re completely free to continue avoiding deodorants, Matthew. Just don’t tell us that our noses are deceiving us. You might also consider moving to France, where no one will notice.* Heaven knows, you can probably afford it.

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Stinky Tofu: Beancurd or BeanTURD?

chodoufuRestaurant owner fined for bad smell of his bean curd

Odor costs him about $3,100

[Excerpts]

For Peng Tian-rong, business stinks, and he hopes it stays this way.

The chodoufu — a rancid fermented bean curd — Peng sells at his eatery in Shinzhuang, Taipei Prefecture, also has brought the sweet smell of success.

However, the distinctive odor of his chodoufu has seen him fall afoul of the authorities, who have ordered him to pay a fine of 100,000 New Taiwan dollars (about $3,100) for polluting the air. The fine, equivalent to two months’ wages for an ordinary worker, is the first ever imposed on chodoufu deemed too stinky….

…The fine has become a badge of honor that is drawing more customers, some of them traveling from afar to sample his wares.

Some businessmen have sensed an opportunity to cash in on the stink by selling air freshener to chodoufu vendors, saying authorities might crack down on restaurants selling the curd.

But not everything has come up smelling like roses for Peng.

Strangers, he said, often ask him if he has stepped in some dog droppings because of the way he smells.

(Read the entire article)

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