From The Best of Craigslist: “Don’t Shave Your Ass-Hair!”


Date: 2004-07-01, 2:15PM PDT

Don’t Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea….

Read the entire smelly story

Praise it

Flush This

5 responses to “From The Best of Craigslist: “Don’t Shave Your Ass-Hair!”

  1. That is probably one of the funniest things I have read in a long time, horrible at the same time……….thanx for the warning

  2. this is the funniest story ever

  3. Hi,
    Recently i was trimming the hairs in my balls using a scissor. I was checking out my gf’s ass and then accidentally snipped my nut sack… Jesus, my nuts came out man… Lucky my gf was around and she called 911… I had to carry my nuts in my hands to the hospital…. so if u r shaving be attentive, don’t get distracted or else u know whats gonna happen 🙂 Learnt it the hard way

  4. you idiot

  5. Pingback: Absurdity, Ironycels, Boomers, the Medium, the Message, and the Post-Truth Society – Rant Pants

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