Bill to Ban B.O. on Buses in Honolulu Fails

HONOLULU — The proposal to bar smelly people from Honolulu buses turned out to be a stinker.

The Honolulu City Council had considered making it illegal to have “odors that unreasonably disturb others or interfere with their use of the transit system.” Anyone convicted of being too smelly could have been fined up to $500 and/or given a six-month jail term….

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Okay. I don’t enjoy the stench of another’s body odor anymore than the next person. But it is well that this idea of fining or jailing smelly people got flushed in council. It is just too problematic to even consider.  And it failed for all the right reasons: “stench” is far too subjective a factor for such a law to be just.

Nevertheless, two of the original sponsors have plans to revive a modified version of the bill at some point in the future. Perhaps they will establish a branch of law enforcement known as the Stench Squad, or the Stench Police, who will sit in the back of the bus with high tech devices that measure the nature and intensity of body odors. Plain clothes “Stink Marshals,” patterned after Sky Marshals might also be employed.

They could even have a graduated penalty system–

Onion, Garlic breath, Major Halitosis: 1st offense, written warning. 2nd offense, $100 fine. 3rd offense, $500 fine, or six months in jail.

Feet: 1st offense, $250. 2nd offense, $500 fine, or six months in jail

Underarm odor: $100-$500 fine depending on intensity as measured by the stinkometer.

Generalized body odor: $100-$500 fine depending on intensity as measured by the stinkometer.

Urine: Same as above.

Ass: $500 fine and one month’s suspension from using the bus. However, crapping one’s pants would result in permanent expulsion from the transit system and up to a year in prison, except in instances where medical causes are confirmed in writing by a physician.

Babies would be exempt, but it would be forbidden to change them on the bus. Parents might still be fined if it were determined that they were feeding the kid a bad diet.

Farts could be handled on a case-by-case, taking intensity, intention, age and other factors into account. In the case of the ubiquitous “slider,” the “silent but deadly” air biscuit, the culprit could be isolated by determining airflow, and the order in which various bus patrons smelt it, or fart-sniffing dogs could be used to isolate residual butt-gas in the culprit’s pants.
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The Stench Police sit in the back of the bus
The Stench Police are coming to arrest us….
(to the tune of “Dream Police,” by Cheap Trick)

A Malodorous Bloom

Smelly Orlando Bloom Needs To Wash More

Model girlfriend kicks up a stink over his poor personal hygiene…

Orlando Bloom’s on-off girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, is reportedly insisting the actor clean up his act – literally….

Read it (entertainmentwise.com)

Those smelly Serbians…

Boss Bans Smelly Undies

The boss of a Serbian company has banned staff from coming into work with dirty underwear.

Milomir Gligorijevic said: “I am fed up with people with poor personal hygiene standards. I have now made it a sackable offence for people to come in without having a shower – or with dirty underwear.”

He has also banned staff from smelling after eating garlic – warning that they need to make sure they brush their teeth – and use perfume and deodorant.

Gligorijevic, who runs a 30-staff stationery company in the capital Belgrade, sent out an official memo to all employees demanding they adopt good standards of personal hygiene. The memo warned all employees to make sure they brush their teeth, take showers regularly and change their underpants every day. He did not say how he would make sure his clean underpants rule was followed but warned it would be enforced. ananova

From the [Pakistan] Daily Times

Food Service Employees Must Wash

Almost goes without saying, right?

Wrong.

Businesses beware of how you treat stink, stinkers

Beth Stephenson
The Edmond Sun

EDMOND, OKLAHOMA— We love our pretty town and cheer for local businesses to do well, but lately, I’ve had my loyalty a little bruised. It’s one issue if the product or service is not to my taste, but often the issue is customer service or something more subtle that can and ought to be corrected. Edmond businesses reflect on our whole city, so let’s shape up some of these little problems.

Your employees must wash. Not only their bodies and hair, but also their clothing. It’s one thing for a laborer to get a little ripe, but if that happens, they need to stay in the open air. It’s horrid if that stinker is handling your food….

Read the entire article

Musky Matthew McConaughey

HUDSON BEGGED SMELLY McCONAUGHEY TO WEAR DEODORANT

Kate Hudson was so put off by her Fool’s Gold co-star Matthew Mcconaughey’s natural odour she begged him to reconsider his no-deodorant stance for love scenes. The movie hunk famously refuses to wear scents – something which his latest co-star found disgusting.

He reveals, “She always brings a salt rock, which is some natural deodorant, and says, ‘Would you please put this on?’ “I just never wore it. No cologne, no deodorant.” McConaughey insists Hudson is his only co-star who has ever complained about his smell, adding that a good diet and regular showers help him stay fresh.

He adds, “I take a few (showers) a day.” (source)

I’m sure you’re a very cleanliness-conscious guy, Matt, but the bit about the good diet is a load of crap. There is no diet which prevents bacteria from proliferating in the vicinity of the armpit. And as for the showers: I’m sure those help for a while, but my guess is that your armpits really do begin to stink under hot lights on the set.

I surmise that no one else complained about your pit odor because 1.) They weren’t outspoken enough to mention that you smell like a locker room 2.) They were so awed by your star status that they overlooked it (but probably whispered about it when your back was turned).

This is planet Earth, and people are people, wherever you go.

You’re completely free to continue avoiding deodorants, Matthew. Just don’t tell us that our noses are deceiving us. You might also consider moving to France, where no one will notice.* Heaven knows, you can probably afford it.

“Stinky Cheese Disease”

I’ve decided it might be fun to feature posts, from around WordPress, on the general topic of stench. It’s pertinent and it’s often amusing (or disgusting).

To kick things off, I’d like to highlight a post from Currently Dreaming’s Weblog entitled “Stinky Cheese Disease”–

So, I’m strolling the aisles of the grocery store, like I do every week, minding my own business…when a smell so hideous that my eyes start to water does a full-body slam on me. I look up from my grocery list and see YOU. The Man in the Dirty Overalls. I push my cart at warp speed to get around you, skid around the end display and say a prayer in the fresh air in front of the pickle display.

“Please don’t follow me! Please don’t follow me! Please don’t follow me!”

Read the Entire Article

You have our sympathy, Currentlydreaming – for while “Things That Stink” documents that which issues from the Crack of the Earth, we do not enjoy the direct experience of stench, especially when its source is the crust covering the body of a chronically stinky person in bib overalls. Not long ago we were at a book sale, and therein was a man with pit odor so rank, so strong, that it would have been impossible to distinguish him from a vat of month old Spaghetti-Os. We were not pleased.

I’m not no limburger

Limburger is a profoundly stinky cheese, as wisegeek.com describes–

Limburger cheese is a shockingly odorous cheese which originates in Belgium. Most individuals who have been in the vicinity of Limburger remember the smell, which has been likened to rotting feet or moldy boots. Some consumers are in fact utterly unable to get over the smell and experience of the flavor of the cheese, which is actually quite excellent. As the smell indicates, Limburger has a strong and aggressive flavor, which is very popular in many parts of Europe.

While Limburger is originally from Belgium, many German dairies manufacture the cheese as well, and Limburger is also made in some parts of the United States. The distinctive cheese goes well with strong bitter foods, like rye bread and onions, and many consumers greatly enjoy the taste of Limburger on a sandwich, in a salad, or in other culinary settings.

Limburger’s distinct odor is partly due to the fact that it is a washed rind cheese. During the curing process, Limburger is periodically washed with a mild brine solution, which prevents many bacteria and molds from settling in on the cheese. In the briny environment, enzymes thrive on the surface of the cheese, and they will begin to break down the proteins inside. Limburger is also fermented with Brevibacterium linens, the same bacteria responsible for body odor, and this contributes to the odor. [emphasis mine]
(source)

The sentence I’ve boldfaced goes a long way towards explaining why female malaria mosquitoes are attracted equally to limburger cheese and the smell of human feet. (read story)

And, now, limburger in pop-culture. Here’s a video of the B-52s “Dance this Mess Around,” way back in 1979, the chorus of which goes, “Why don’t you dance with me?/I’m not no limburger.”