Category Archives: Stinky Parts

Men: Do not staple your scrotum

I begin by noting that this is a true story, as Snopes.com details.

Scrotum Self-Repair

From the Unusual Case column of the July 1991 issue of “Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality,”

by William A. Morton, Jr.

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles.”

The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove
his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained
gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of
a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing
pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some
half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine
shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a
heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the
type used in putting up wallboard.

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Assy McGee is Back

Assy McGee

Assy McGee. Cop. Loose cannon. Romantic. Drunk.

What Sly Stallone would look like if he had an ass for a face.

On Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim next Sunday, 12:30 am.

I had a look at Assy’s website. There’s a “fartboard” there, featuring audio clips of Assy’s various gassy exclamations, e.g., the hard-boiled “Fart of Simmering Rage,” the poignant “2 a.m. Fart of Lonliness,” and the comedic “You can say that again Sanchez!” fart. Among others.

http://www.adultswim.com/shows/assy/fartboard/index.html

Posted nearly simultaneously at Fist of Blog

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Assholes Stink

Kurt Vonnegut’s venerable asshole, pilfered from the WebMany moons ago, circa AOL 3.0 for Win95, when the Internet was still a blank slate, a mutual friend of my roomie and I told us that he had seen a photograph on the Internet graphically displaying the act of “anallingus.” Misanthrope that I am, I did not scoff, but my roomie (being not yet wise in the ways of the world) denied that such an act was possible let alone popular.

Faced with a challenge, our mutual friend brought this photo for us to view. My roomie was scandalized, whereupon I disclosed my knowledge of a particular couple who claimed to regularly engage in this practice. I mentioned how the male of this couple had said, “It doesn’t taste bad as long as it’s clean…”

My roomie cried out, in an agonized voice, “THAT PART CAN’T BE CLEAN!!!”

Indeed. Assholes stink. Which brings us around, in a very roundabout fashion, to the subject of this post. Go listen to this charming little ditty by “Django and Chris,” the “Crackhead Beatniks,” who hold the distinction of having once been the “hottest thing to hit Laramie, Wyoming, since the Boot Scootin Boogie.” The manner in which it relates to this post will be come clear soon enough.

HU to Thumb at Fist of Blog for introducing me to this delightful post-modern interpretation of the Beat Generation’s coffeehouse craft. Kerouac, Ginsberg, eat your hearts out, whereever you are. Don’t eat anything else out, though.

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Another raunchy cat-house

This is third story I’ve run on a home overrun with cats and feces. I’ve decided to establish a separate category for this topic.

This time the house is in Villa Park, Orange County, CA. Kind of a sad story, actually. And the old lady’s son is a sorry-assed excuse for that title. Dude, she changed your shitty drawers and kept you warm and fed when you were young and helpless.

More evidence that this society marginalizes the old. But I’ve got news for you, in that case. Prepare to be marginalized, because you’re going there. All of you.

Elder abuse suspected at putrid Villa Park house

crazy-cat-lady-action-figure.jpgThe 53-year-old son of an elderly woman whose filthy Villa Park home was overrun with cats — both living and dead — is under investigation for elder abuse, Orange County sheriff’s officials said Thursday.

Paramedics called to the home this month found Mary Maloney, 76, lying outside on a blanket; she was covered with sores and skin rashes, authorities said. When deputies investigated, they found cat feces 2 feet high in places, urine-soaked walls and carpets, and trash everywhere.

A dead cat was found in a piano.

A cat’s skull was on a kitchen counter.

In all, 16 cats were found alive and four dead….

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Forget the Axe™, go with the pit-stink

Well, I think it’s pretty clear that wearing Axe™ or Tag™ doesn’t induce women to knock over displays at the grocery store trying to jump your bones…so, men, if you’re really desperate, maybe just letting those pits simmer in the summer sun will get you noticed.

Ya think, ladies?

Male Sweat Boosts Women’s Hormone Levels

[Excerpt]

..Sweat has been the main focus of research on human pheromones, and in fact, male underarm sweat has been shown to improve women’s moods and affect their secretion of luteinizing hormone, which is normally involved in stimulating ovulation…

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Now, is this a good job, or what?

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“Stinky Cheese Disease”

Stinky people are not coolI’ve decided it might be fun to feature posts, from around WordPress, on the general topic of stench. It’s pertinent and it’s often amusing (or disgusting).

To kick things off, I’d like to highlight a post from Currently Dreaming’s Weblog entitled “Stinky Cheese Disease”–

So, I’m strolling the aisles of the grocery store, like I do every week, minding my own business…when a smell so hideous that my eyes start to water does a full-body slam on me. I look up from my grocery list and see YOU. The Man in the Dirty Overalls. I push my cart at warp speed to get around you, skid around the end display and say a prayer in the fresh air in front of the pickle display.

“Please don’t follow me! Please don’t follow me! Please don’t follow me!”

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You have our sympathy, Currentlydreaming – for while “Things That Stink” documents that which issues from the Crack of the Earth, we do not enjoy the direct experience of stench, especially when its source is the crust covering the body of a chronically stinky person in bib overalls. Not long ago we were at a book sale, and therein was a man with pit odor so rank, so strong, that it would have been impossible to distinguish him from a vat of month old Spaghetti-Os. We were not pleased.

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“Sootikins”

The following passage is excerpted from “The Role of Cats in Nursery Rhymes,” by Sarah Hartwell–

Good Queen BessTHE CAT AND THE QUEEN

Pussy-cat, Pussy-cat where have you been?
I’ve been to London to look at the Queen.
Pussy-cat, Pussy-cat, what did you there?
I frightened a little mouse under a [her] chair.

One explanation of the origins of this rhyme goes back to 16th century England. One of the staff of Queen Elizabeth I (Good Queen Bess) was said to have had an old cat which tended to roam throughout one of the royal residences. On one occasion the cat apparently went underneath the throne (the “chair”) and its tail brushed against the Queen’s foot, startling her. Luckily Queen Elizabeth was amused and declared that the cat could wander through the throne room as long as it kept it free of mice!

Another suggested meaning of this relates to the poor hygiene of a different queen and is perhaps a cautionary tale about hygiene in general. Undergarments were uncommon among poorer women before the nineteenth century and dust, ash and general grime accumulated on the genitalia just as it did elsewhere on the body….

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“NodorO” Eliminates MGO (Male Genital Odor)

http://www.nodoro.com/

And here’s a clip of Howard Stern and David Letterman discussing the product. Note what happens at the end of the video. Never seen that before. They’re really pushing that Nodoro.

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