This Coke Smells Like Crap

Snorting coke is very glamorous.

A Boston woman was arrested recently at Logan International Airport as she attempted to smuggle cocaine, packed in a bag of dirty diapers,  into the U.S.  She claims that she did not know what she was transporting, but that she owed aman in the Dominican Republic money, and this is how she was paying off her debt

The drugs were discovered when other passengers complained about a putrid smell emanating from a particular piece of luggage.

Source

Utah Lad Wins 36th National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest

Excerpt from full article in the Deseret Times:

They rated the shoes for condition and smell, eventually settling on [Sterling] Brinkerhoff’s torn, once-white low cuts as the worst of the worst.

“They were foul,” said Fraser, a 17-time judge. “There were two or three (entries) that were the kind you smell from a distance.”

The Voodoo Lily: “Dead mice in a plastic bag.”

Via msnbc.com

Voodoo lily blooms — and the stench is unreal
Odor of Minnesota Zoo flower just as advertised: ‘Dead mice in a plastic bag’

By Andrea Mustain
Our Amazing Planet

A voodoo lily at the Minnesota Zoo has finally begun to flower, and the rare, oversized bloom, with its signature scent of death and decay, is bringing in a cloud of intrigued admirers….

Read more
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Image credit: U.S. Botanic Garden/Wikimedia Commons

Mr. Crabs Barred From Public Transit

The following comes to us via Lisa, in reply to “Bill To Ban B.O….Fails.”   I think you will agree that it’s a pretty clear-cut case of when someone should be barred from riding public transit.

From The Northern Light Police Report, Whatcom County, WA (some of the best reading in newspapers these days BTW)

August 28: A Whatcom Transit driver had to call police to intercede with an angry customer at a downtown bus stop. The customer was denied boarding because he was carrying a smelly, large plastic bag leaking fluid. He took offense at this, argued with the driver and then stood in the street to block the bus. The man explained to arriving officers that the bag contained fresh crab, and the leaking material was just seawater and crab juice. He was advised of the bus driver’s rights and responsibilities, and that blocking a vehicle constituted criminal disorderly conduct. Ultimately, the crabber decided to find alternative transportation and the driver departed on his seafood free bus route.

Mister Crabs is clearly at fault, here. Crab juice and seawater dripping all over the interior of the bus? That would REEK,  long after Mr. Crabs was gone.

The Quest for the Odorless Fart

There’s an episode of Family Guy where Peter has liposuction, which turns him into a beautiful person. In short order, he is invited to join an exclusive club for beautiful people, and on the inaugural tour of the facilities his host hands him a bottle of pills: “Here, take these – they’ll make your bowel movements smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls.”

Ben Franklin addressed this speculative idea over two centuries ago – that flatus (farts) might someday be rendered innocuous by taking some manner of drug or substance:

My prize question therefore should be, To discover some drug wholesome and not disagreeable, to be mixed with our common food, or sauces, that shall render the natural discharges, of wind from our bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreeable as Perfumes.

That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these considerations. That we already have some knowledge of the means capable of varying that smell. He that dines on stale flesh, especially with much addition of onions, shall be able to afford a stink that no company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some time on vegetables only, shall have that breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate noses; and if he manage so as to avoid the report, he may any where give vent to his griefs unnoticed….

From Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School, edited by Carl Japikse.

Well, such a product has arrived. Misanthrope and skeptic that I am, I am inclined to doubt its efficacy sight unseen waft unsmelled, but this new product called Whiff!, pushed (yes, that’s the right word) at a website with the evocative name takeawhiff.com claims that their product will render your poop and farts odorless (except in the case of avid meat-eaters, in which case the original essence of the miasma will remain, merely diminished in potency).

Medicinal Butt Gas

Stink bomb gas to give stroke victims new hope

Scientists use hydrogen sulphide to put patients into ‘suspended animation’

The Guardian, UK–The gas that provides millions of schoolchildren with hours of fun and gives stink bombs their revolting smell could soon provide doctors with new treatments for conditions ranging from strokes to chronic arthritis.

Some researchers are even trying to use hydrogen sulphide – the source of rotten eggs’ [and, in part, farts’] unpleasant odour – to put patients with strokes or serious injuries into a form of suspended animation to help them survive severe traumas. This research is now being backed by the US military, who believe it could help their surgeons cope with injuries suffered by soldiers in battle.

Read more

Note: The Hong Kong Customs & Excise Dept. has deemed the above pictured prank toy, still on sale through various outlets, to be unsafe, giving off a quantity of Hydrogen Sulfide that may pose a health risk to young children. Which brings us back to the old adage that every potential medicine is also a potential poison, when used improperly.

A Surfeit of Malodorous Vapors

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putrefaction noun

pu·tre·fac·tion \pyü-trə-ˈfak-shən\

Etymology:
Middle English putrefaccion, from Late Latin putrefaction-, putrefactio, from Latin putrefacere 14th century

1. the decomposition of organic matter; especially : the typically anaerobic splitting of proteins by bacteria and fungi with the formation of foul-smelling incompletely oxidized products
2. the state of being putrefied : corruption

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Corpse stench drives Russian doomsday cult from cave

May 15, 2008

MOSCOW (AFP) — Toxic fumes from rotting corpses drove the final members of a Russian doomsday cult from the cave where they had been waiting six months for the end of the world, officials said Friday.

Eight women and one man emerged from the muddy bunker outside a village in the region of Penza, 560 kilometres (350 miles) southeast of Moscow, said Tatyana Ostrovskaya, a spokeswoman for the local prosecutor’s office.

“The last nine people came to the surface after the bodies of two women were found,” Ostrovskaya told AFP.

Interfax news agency quoted local official Vladimir Provotorov as saying that everyone left because there was “a real threat of poisoning from toxic corpse fumes” from two deceased cult members rotting in the cave.

“We could smell it through the ventilation shaft,” he was quoted by RIA Novosti news agency as saying. “When the specialists took out the dead hermits, we asked the others if they would like to leave, and they agreed.”

The cultists were part of an ultra-Orthodox Christian splinter group, led by bearded guru Pyotr Kuznetsov, who reject the modern world and believe that bar codes on food products are a symbol of the devil.

Read more

“Caveman” Must Wash

Oslo, Norway (Aftenposten)–A city magistrate has ruled that Oslo’s so-called “cave man,” who once lived in a pile of garbage near the city’s university campus, must agree to wash himself since he’s now living in a publicly funded nursing home. He objects, and vows to take his case to Norway’s supreme court.

The “cave man’s” case has been brewing in the courts for months, and was sent back to the magistrate’s level because of some judicial errors.

He’s still insisting that he can’t be forced to wash, and will only do so if he so chooses. His lawyer called forced washings “an extremely serious assault on the private sphere.”

The 54-year-old man is a former physics student who’s lack of personal hygiene led to his expulsion from student housing back in the late 1970s. He then started living in a pile of garbage adjacent to the campus, and public authorities let him be.

Health problems led to his admission to the nursing home two years ago, but once there he caused a stink, quite literally. Staff insisted he follow the rules of the institution out of consideration for his fellow residents and infection control.

City officials were pleased with the magistrate’s decision. The “cave man” was not, and he also has reported his forced washings to the police.

Top Ten Posts @ Things That Stink

Just to give you an idea of what sort of stinky things interest the unwashed masses, here are the top ten posts, as measured in pageviews, for the last four months. In countdown style, a la Letterman–

10.) 1000-year-old eggs

9.) The Stink List (page)

8.) Andouillette: French Pig-Colon Sausage

7.) Michelle Obama on Barack: “snore-y and stinky guy”

6.) “NodorO” Eliminates MGO (Male Genital Odor)

5.) Eva Mendes-Cameron Diaz Fart/Belch-Off

4.) Ask Uncle Stinky (page)

3.) Tonsilloliths

2.) Classifying Crap: The Bristol Stool Scale

*Drum roll* And the number one post for the last four months is…

1.) From The Best of Craigslist: “Don’t Shave Your Ass-Hair!”

Chronic Flatulence? Get the GasBGon® Seat Cushion

Whether you’re on the sending or the receiving end of the “pause that refreshes/repulses,” Dairiair LLC makes a line of products that dampen the smell, or both the sound and the smell. One of their products which seems particularly useful in this respect – and which I think may catch on – is the “GasBGon Seat Cushion.” Retailing at $24.95 U.S., and offered in a variety of designs subsumed under the themes of sport (“Tush Down Sport Series”), gambling, (“Holdem Big Slick Chillin’ Series”) and the swanky, upscale (“Black Cushion Signature Series”), one of these is a gift that is sure to please not only the recipient, but all those who have to be around him/her.

The GasBGon® flatulence odor control seat cushion is a high performance air filter designed to look and feel like a conventional seat cushion incorporating a sound dampening filter and a proprietary activated carbon odor filter. The seat cushion functions as a powerful passive control device to effectively muffle the sound and adsorb the odor associated with flatulence. Each cushion is complete with a washable zippered cover for filter insertion/replacement, they are lightweight (less than 1 lb) and are nominally 15 inches square and 1 inch thick. Each cushion comes complete with a sound and odor filter and a Tally-Toot card. A downloadable wind instrument award can be provided for those gift giving occasions. Each cushion can accept a second odor filter for those heavy end users and should be purchased separately. Installation by purchaser.