A poopy travesty of justice

Knowing how some dog-owners are irresponsible about cleaning up after their mutts, I can see how this lady flipped out after stepping in dookie. When I worked for the local City Parks, it was a municipal code that it was a crime for people not to pick up  their dogs poop after going in the park.  Of course, this law was unenforcable – the cops were too busy, and the Parks administration had deemed it to risky for park workers to approach potentially crazy persons with vicious dogs.  So, each morning when I worked in this one particular park doggy toilet, I would see multiple residents of the fine old turn-of-the-century homes that  surrounded the park, arriving in turns with Fido on a leash, to take his morning dump. And they never picked it up.

You can’t count on most people to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. And you can’t count on the boys in blue to mediate the situation. So who can you count on?

Answer: You can count on spike to leave nauseating pile of crap under the sycamore tree.

Here’s a possible strategy I though up for lashing back at people who leave their dog’s land mines on public or private property.

Meanwhile, read it and weep.

APERVILLE, Ill., Sept. 17 (UPI) — An Illinois woman was arrested for allegedly smearing dog droppings on a neighbor’s patio after stepping in it, authorities said.

Susan M. Miller, 43, of Naperville, Ill., was charged with disorderly conduct, the Chicago Tribune.

Naperville police say Miller also took a sign advising apartment residents to clean up after their dogs and placed it, along with green plastic bags used for cleaning up dog waste, on the same neighbor’s patio.

When police arrived at the apartment in answer to a complaint, they found Miller chasing a cat through the complex.

She yelled at the officers, asking if they “were there about the (neighbor) with dog poop,” the police report said.

Police arrested Miller — after she caught up with her roommate’s cat, the report said.

Miller was later released on bail.

Source

A stinky letter

SANFORD, Fla., Nov. 17 (UPI) — Police in Florida said a high school principal received a profane letter in an envelope smeared with feces.

Sanford police Sgt. David Morgenstern said a Seminole High School employee was putting the 6-inch-by-8-inch envelope into Principal Mike Gaudreau’s mailbox when she noticed the foul smell, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Wednesday.

Police said the worker and three or four other school employees who touched the envelope while trying to determine the cause of the odor were placed in quarantine until the Seminole County Fire Department’s Hazardous Materials team identified the substance as excrement.

“We were concerned at first,” Morgenstern said. “You could mask some sort of chemical. We wanted to make sure all the faculty and students were safe.”

Morgenstern said the envelope contained a letter with “colorful language talking about the high school principal.”

The spokesman said police were investigating and the person behind the letter could face a charge of disrupting a school function.

“There are no real charges for sending a poopy letter,” Morgenstern said.

Source

Dirty Thief

An elderly Australian woman was pelted with human feces while withdrawing cash from an ATM and then robbed by a man posing as a good citizen.

The 85-year-old victim was hit from behind with the feces just as she withdrew an undetermined amount of cash from a Chatswood ATM, Adelaide Now reports.

Police said a stranger then came to the woman’s aid and helped her to a washroom to clean herself before reaching in her handbag and stealing her wallet with the cash.

Police are looking for a stocky Asian man around 40 years old wearing a baseball cap. They believe the attacker and the thief are the same person.

That really stinks.

Source: http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/2010/11/03/woman-hit-with-poo-at-atm-robbed-by-good-samaritan/

$22.5 million/year for knocking a piece of cowhide around?

As Sporting News notes today, Manny Ramirez has just reached a deal with the Dodgers: $45 million for two years.

Now consider this: in Trenton, New Jersey, a different Manny – Manny Rivera, the firefighter – was fighting for his life a month ago after sustaining a critical injury while saving the life of a teenager:

http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2009/02/firefighter_battles_lifethreat.html

Now, consider that the median salary of a firefighter with 20 years or more experience, in the U.S., is $62,888:

http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Job=Fire_Fighter/Salary

So $22.5 million for knocking a piece of cowhide around; $62,888 for saving lives and risking one’s own life doing so, on a regular basis. The latter amount is not even 0.5% of the former.

That stinks.

Lighten up, Army dudes

NC military mom arrives at Fort Benning with kids

Excerpts–

DAVIDSON, N.C. (AP) —A North Carolina woman who was recalled to the Army four years after being honorably discharged drove nearly 400 miles and braved a Southeastern winter storm to report for duty Sunday, with her children by her side….

…Pagan is among thousands of former service members who have left active duty since the Sept. 11 attacks, only to be recalled to service. They’re not in training, they’re not getting a Defense Department salary, but as long as they have time left on their original enlistment contracts, they’re on “individual ready reserve” status — eligible to be recalled at any time.

Pagan filed several appeals, arguing that because her husband travels for business, no one else can take care of her kids. All were rejected, leaving Pagan to choose between deploying to Iraq and abandoning her family, or refusing her orders and potentially facing charges….

…”The Army tries to look at the whole picture and they definitely don’t want to do anything that jeopardizes the family or jeopardizes the children,” O’Donnell  [Army spokesman in St. Louis] said. “At the same time, these are individuals who made obligations and commitments to the country….”

Source

Chill out, you hard-assed groundpounders, says I. You’re making her go through all this shit without any deference to the venerable tradition of motherhood, and even if you should let her off the hook, the fact remains that you screwed with her and her kids, big time. What the fuck is wrong with you? Y’all must have shit for brains. In this case, you and your red tape stink.

Trainspotting Toilet Scene (Caution!)

Some have speculated that the “Mr. Creosote Scene” from Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (see below) is the most revolting in 20th century cinema. Having recently seen Trainspotting (1996) for the first time, I have to say it’s a serious contender; I find it far, far more revolting than Mr. Creosote.

Cautions:

• If you haven’t seen the movie and you’re a fan of Ewan McGregor, you might want to skip this clip.

• If you’re incapable of clinical detachment, and tend to retch when seeing revolting things, you should probably skip it.

• If you watch it, and it severely grosses you out or ruins your dinner…well, I warned you.

Aussie Prime Minister has a snack

From 2007–

Stench figurative and literal: Naples’ garbage crisis deepens

Back in January, I made three separate posts about the mountains of garbage accumulating in the streets of Naples, Italy: “Naples Stinks,” “Followup: Sardinians Resent Naples’ Garbage,” and “Followup: Naples’ Garbage Crisis Laid Bare.” Now, here’s the latest–

(There are two kinds of human filth, here. One is obvious and may be cleaned up with garbage trucks and street cleaners. The other kind is harder to see and is notoriously hard to clean up.)

Camorra cause a stink in Naples

[via telegraph.co.uk]

The Mob has proved no better than Italy’s inept municipal authorities at running waste disposal business properly.

(Excerpt)

..the Mob has proved no better than Italy’s inept municipal authorities at running the service properly. Barely any new waste processing facilities have been built in Naples for decades, and since last December, the region’s dumps have been full to capacity and unable to take any more. Hence the refuse piles 20 feet high in Naples’ once-picturesque alleyways, and hence what Neapolitans call La Puzza, or The Stink.

With it has come another unpleasant smell – less easily detectable but just as familiar in Italian public life. It is the whiff of corruption, and the sneaking feeling that the situation got so out of hand because of murky links between the Comorra and the city’s administration, stymying modern refuse projects that might threaten their waste rackets.

“The fish starts to stink from the head, so we should blame the political class,” said Quarto Gennaro, 51, nursing an espresso in a cafe in Forcella, an old-time Camorra district packed with loafing, jowelly men resembling Sopranos extras. “They always act together with the criminals….”

Read the full article

A Bloodsucker on the Web

Anyone who’s ever had an abcessed tooth and the resultant root canal knows the misery it can bring. It hurts like hell, and it stinks, both literally and figuratively. A rotten tooth literally stinks of putrefaction and decay, to the core. And paying $1000 for a root canal out of pocket, followed by another $1750 for the crown because you don’t have dental insurance, stinks too.

What stinks even more is when health care specialists go at their profession with the first and foremost goal of getting filthy, stinking rich on you. This stench amplifies when they botch a procedure. Which they do, more often than many people realize.

But what stinks most of all is the maggot who creates a codified system for health professionals, designed to facilitate their rise into the ranks of the rich and leisurely, with virtually no regard to the suffering engendered by the obscenely high cost of health care for young and old alike, in the United States.

Mind you, that’s just my opinion. This guy could be a saint, and I could be the bad guy here. Read it and decide for yourself.

Romance: Gone With The Wind

Quite a few years ago, my ex-wife worked with a young lady whose husband was beset by chronic flatulence. Apparently he had decided to embrace his condition, and so he would brazenly break wind and make rude comments about it, often in the most inappropriate social settings. For example, at my wife’s company picnic as we were eating, seated at picnic tables with various of her co-workers and their families, he would from time-to-time lift an ass-cheek, let one go, and say things like, “Whoa, you’d best get upwind from that one,” or “Smell the crack of the Earth…”

Charmed, I’m sure. I’d never seen anything like it. Despite my fascination with the vulgar, even I know where the line of propriety versus impropriety falls.

After we arrived home that evening, my wife told me that this odoriferous fellow, when at home with his wife, would cut enormous protracted farts beneath the bedclothes in the morning, and then forcibly confine the poor woman’s head underneath the blankets until she could hold her breath no longer.

This is tantamount to abuse to my thinking, but what’s worse is that she was beautiful. I mean, a tall, long-legged country girl descended from German milkmaids, with golden hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a face to lauch a thousand ships.

Sigh. There’s no accounting for taste. I guess there must have been something to love about the guy, despite the affrontery of his overactive butt.

The following article was the catalyst for my calling this stinky, stinky man to mind–

Sex life has gone with husband’s wind

Q: I AND my husband are having big arguments over his disgusting habit of getting into bed every night and then spending 10 minutes breaking wind, stinking out the room.After that, I obviously have no interest whatsoever in having sex with him.

He says it’s natural, but as I have pointed out to him many times, so is going to the lavatory, but no one would dream of doing it in the bed.

We have only been married for six months. He seldom did it when we were just engaged, but he says now we’re married, he wants to be able to relax in his own bed in his own house.

Read the advice columnist’s reply