Tag Archives: farting

Romance: Gone With The Wind

Sexy, or what?Quite a few years ago, my ex-wife worked with a young lady whose husband was beset by chronic flatulence. Apparently he had decided to embrace his condition, and so he would brazenly break wind and make rude comments about it, often in the most inappropriate social settings. For example, at my wife’s company picnic as we were eating, seated at picnic tables with various of her co-workers and their families, he would from time-to-time lift an ass-cheek, let one go, and say things like, “Whoa, you’d best get upwind from that one,” or “Smell the crack of the Earth…”

Charmed, I’m sure. I’d never seen anything like it. Despite my fascination with the vulgar, even I know where the line of propriety versus impropriety falls.

After we arrived home that evening, my wife told me that this odoriferous fellow, when at home with his wife, would cut enormous protracted farts beneath the bedclothes in the morning, and then forcibly confine the poor woman’s head underneath the blankets until she could hold her breath no longer.

This is tantamount to abuse to my thinking, but what’s worse is that she was beautiful. I mean, a tall, long-legged country girl descended from German milkmaids, with golden hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a face to lauch a thousand ships.

Sigh. There’s no accounting for taste. I guess there must have been something to love about the guy, despite the affrontery of his overactive butt.

The following article was the catalyst for my calling this stinky, stinky man to mind–

Sex life has gone with husband’s wind

Q: I AND my husband are having big arguments over his disgusting habit of getting into bed every night and then spending 10 minutes breaking wind, stinking out the room.After that, I obviously have no interest whatsoever in having sex with him.

He says it’s natural, but as I have pointed out to him many times, so is going to the lavatory, but no one would dream of doing it in the bed.

We have only been married for six months. He seldom did it when we were just engaged, but he says now we’re married, he wants to be able to relax in his own bed in his own house.

Read the advice columnist’s reply

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Eva Mendes-Cameron Diaz Fart/Belch-Off

My stars, how times change. Go back in history, to the golden days of Tinseltown. Imagine: one morning an article goes out on the newswires, on the topic of Betty Grable’s and Rita Hayworth’s private farting-belching competition, complete with quotes from the original pinup girls, themselves.

Can you imagine?

MENDES’ AND DIAZ’S SMELLY COMPETITION

Sexy FartsHot burps.

Hollywood beauty EVA MENDES once challenged pal CAMERON DIAZ to a farting competition.

The Latina had travelled to Nepal with the Charlie’s Angels star in 2005 to film a segment for Diaz’s MTV documentary series, Trippin’.

And Mendes admits they had little to do while staying at their hotel, so they made up their own form of entertainment.

She recalls, “Cameron is a big old belcher, but I can’t belch.

“One night I had a heavy dinner, so I combated her belching with something I could do. We were in side-by-side beds, so it was her disgusting bodily function versus mine.

“It was an Eva-Cameron fart-belch off.”

Source

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[Contributed] Hitler: Hell-Smell Incarnate

Thanks to Index from Fist Of Blog for pointing us to this excellent article on Adolf Hitler’s preternatural flatulence–

Scent of a Führer

Hitler wanted to control the world. But he couldn’t even control his flatulence.

By Tony Perrottet

Guests at the Berghof, Hitler’s private chalet in the Bavarian Alps, must have endured some unpleasant odors in the otherwise healthful mountain air.

It may sound like a Woody Allen scenario, but medical historians are unanimous that Adolf was the victim of uncontrollable flatulence. Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room…. (read more)

Mein Gott, I farted.

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