Filled his pants

Via Fist Of Blog

Men: Do not staple your scrotum

I begin by noting that this is a true story, as Snopes.com details.

Scrotum Self-Repair

From the Unusual Case column of the July 1991 issue of “Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality,”

by William A. Morton, Jr.

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles.”

The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove
his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained
gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of
a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing
pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some
half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine
shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a
heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the
type used in putting up wallboard.

Skunkweed

Man Arrested for Bank Deposit with Pot Stench

By Dan O’Donnell

If you’re heading to the bank to make a deposit today, make sure your bills don’t smell like weed.

A 21 year-old man from Sturgeon Bay faces possible drug charges after he tried to deposit money that reeked of reefer…

Read the entire article

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Stinky? Wash with onions.

Okay, so the hospital left a swab inside her body after labor, creating pain and misery, and causing a stench to develop. That’s bad. But where on earth did this woman get the idea that washing with onions was going to help?

Mother may sue over swab left in body after labour

Hendrick Mphande
HERALD REPORTER

A YOUNG Motherwell woman is considering legal action after nurses left a swab inside her body after the birth of her baby.

Naledi Maleke‘s ordeal started on the morning of January 6, 2006, when she developed labour pains and her sister and a friend took her to the Motherwell Clinic, a 10-minute drive from her parents‘ home.

She had a disagreement with a nursing sister at the clinic over how she should position herself before giving birth. The nurse apparently “developed an attitude” when she refused to lie in a position in which she felt uncomfortable.

“Two days after leaving the hospital, I started experiencing discomfort and pains in the abdominal area,” said Maleke.

“I was unable to walk properly and this was accompanied by a stench.”

After 17 days of excruciating pain along with the foul odour, the East Cape Midlands College student consulted a doctor in Kwazakhele who discovered the swab.

“I tried everything from washing with salty water and peeled onions mixed in a bucketful of water, but the awful smell I picked up after giving birth to my baby boy had a grip on me,” said Maleke….

Read the entire article

A smelly slogan

Last August, after an all day airshow, my brother and I were making the long trek across the brown fields back to the car when we encountered a spilled porta-pottie. A truck had been transporting the odoriferous receptacle and it had been upset somehow, dumping its contents onto the ground.

The smell was abominable and we gave it wide berth, but not before I snapped a picture of the tanker truck that was there to vacuum up the mess–

Toxic Whale Spill

Couple more pics and an explanation over at truckspills.com.

Published nearly simultaneously at Fist Of Blog.

From The Best of Craigslist: “Don’t Shave Your Ass-Hair!”

WARNING!!!

Date: 2004-07-01, 2:15PM PDT

Don’t Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea….

Read the entire smelly story

Charmed, I’m Sure

Having watched a few episodes of Adult Swim’s Metalocalypse, I find the following quite amusing, in a lowbrow sort of way.

Oh – and I think it stinks, too. Putrid. Almost entirely without redeeming artistic or social merit. But, then, I’m a product of my generation, having been born at the tail-end of the baby boomers. I can’t quite get my head around the concept of “the worse it is, the better.” I’m just not “progressive” enough, I guess.

Mind you, grim things can be artistic. And there’s no questioning that the following is art. It’s just not good art. It has no nuance, no subtlety. It’s garish, gratuitous, and sophomoric. And that’s what makes it “good.” That’s the standard to which it aspires.

And to think that my parents thought that Alice Cooper was the Devil.

SPLATTERED MERMAIDS, the Swedish death/grind band featuring members of DERANGED and VISCERAL BLEEDING, has issued the following update:

“The new SPLATTERED MERMAIDS album, ‘Stench of Flesh’, is complete! Listen to one new song and view cover artwork exclusively on MySpace.

“The album was recorded in early January 2008 and has 10 songs (including one instrumental track and a re-recorded version of ‘By My Blade’). To be released via Czech label Bizarre Leprous Productions [on] March 15, 2008.”

According to a press release, the CD “[is] brutal as hell” featuring “straight-forward deathgrind combined with groovy breakdowns and guttural vocals… the band’s most brutal album to date!!” Other songtitles set to appear on the CD include “Gruesome”, “Circular Holes in the Cranial Structure”, “Corporal Manifestation”, “Spliced Spleen Spices”, “Throat Unsafe from a Pair of Scissors” and “Stench of Flesh”. (source)

Adding to my amusement is the hosting website’s administrative statement, immediately following the above: “to report any abusive, obscene, defamatory, racist, homophobic or threatening comments, or anything that may violate any applicable laws, please send an e-mail to…”

Hell Smell Incarnate: The Stench of the Fiery Pit

Burning pit emits ‘sickening stench’; solution sought

Knoxville, Tennessee–State and local officials will meet today to determine how to attack a burning pit in West Knox County that emits “a sickening stench” and dangerous levels of carbon monoxide.

The 30-40 foot deep pit at 9025 Tedford Drive has been a sore point for a while and about 3:30 a.m. Dec. 28 forced residents of six nearby homes to evacuate. The evacuation was mandated because of unsafe levels of carbon monoxide accumulating in the homes.

Bruce Wuethrich, director of Knox County public works and engineering, said the pit is filled with demolition wastes, such as brush and tree stumps. The material ignited after emitting enough heat during decomposition, he said….

Read the complete article

A smelly little Christmas

Addendum, 01-06-2008: There’s a collection of humorous limericks about Mr. Schoff’s accident posted over at poopreport.com

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) – It was the worst Christmas Eve ever.

That’s what Robert Schoff says and you’ll probably agree. The 77-year-old man spent part of Christmas Eve stuck upside down in his septic tank. The Iowa man said he was checking his septic system for a clog and fell in the opening.

His head was stuck inside while his feet were kicking in the air. That’s how his wife found him about an hour later. She called for help and two sheriff’s deputies yanked Schoff out of his stinky predicament.

Schoff says the rescue came just in time, because he couldn’t stand the septic tank much longer.

(source)