“Health! The key to the sucker’s purse!” – Goodlow Bender in The Road To Wellville
Wikipedia describes “Noni”–
“Noni grows in shady forests as well as on open rocky or sandy shores….The plant flowers and fruits all year round and produces a small white flower. The fruit is a multiple fruit that has a pungent odor when ripening, and is hence also known as cheese fruit or even vomit fruit. It is oval and reaches 4-7 cm in size. At first green, the fruit turns yellow then almost white as it ripens. It contains many seeds. It is sometimes called starvation fruit. Despite its strong smell and bitter taste, the fruit is nevertheless eaten as a famine food and, in some Pacific islands, even a staple food, either raw or cooked. Southeast Asians and Australian Aborigines consume the fruit raw with salt or cook it with curry. The seeds are edible when roasted….” (source)
Doesn’t sound very appetizing, does it? No matter, for the enterprising individual. Package something attractively, and make a host of vauge, inflated claims incorporating buzzwords like “health,” or “natural” or “environment,” and you can sell damned near anything. Particularly in America.*
Which is exactly what the Noni-fruit millionaires did, creating a stench above and beyond the smell of the Noni fruit itself. The stench of “snake-oil cures” and those who promote them for vulgar profit.
The same exaggerated health claims which made the Noni millionaires were made about sarsaparilla in the late 19th century, but sarsparilla’s chief application at present is as the flavoring agent for sarsaparilla soda and, of course, root beer, which is made (the real stuff) from the roots of the sarsaparilla plant.
Panacea turned pop. That’s funny.
Posted in Figurative Stench, Stinky Food, Stinky practices, Stinky products, The Unwashed Masses
Tagged cheese, cheese fruit, deception, exagerrations, false claims, fruit, health, juice, Noni, scam, Smelly, snake-oil, vomit, vomit fruit
Solution to Smelly Socks
IGA is currently trialing a new product called SOS which stands for Solution to Smelly Socks. [that would be “SSS.” I think “Save Our Socks” would be a better slogan, but whatever – editor]
The Melbourne-based industrial chemical company, Van Eyk, has launched SOS but is interested in hearing from other brokers as it seeks wider distribution.
SOS contains a high-performance antimicrobal agent in a 250ml plastic bottle. The product is poured into the fabric dispensing unit of a washing machine.
Product manager, Cindy Luttuschka, said SOS was capable of keeping cotton, cotton blends, rayon and hemp fresh for up to four weeks. (source)
I discovered the (in)famous French sausage “Andouilette,” in an article at the Times Online (UK), which begins:
“I would never have discovered Troyes, a beautiful medieval town of timber-framed buildings, were it not for a pale, lumpy sausage made from pigs’ intestines that smells like a pissoir….”
Read the article
Definition: pis·soir (pis-wahr): A public urinal located on the street in some European countries.
[French, from Old French, from pissier, to urinate]
The author of the Wikipedia article about the sausage has a somewhat different take on Andouilette:
French andouillette, on the other hand, is an acquired taste and can be an interesting challenge even for adventurous eaters who don’t object to the taste or aroma of feces. It is sometimes eaten cold, as in picnic baskets. Served cold and sliced thinly, the smell, taste, and texture may be mistaken for an andouille [a milder, less stinky sausage], but on closer inspection the texture is considerably more rubbery and the meat has a more feces-like flavor. By contrast, many French eateries serve andouillette as a hot dish, and foreigners have been repulsed by the aroma, to the point where they find it inedible (see external links). While hot andouillette smells of feces, food safety requires that all such matter is removed from the meat before cooking. Feces-like aroma can be attributed to the common use of the pig’s colon (chitterlings) in this sausage, and stems from the same compounds that give feces some of its odors. (source)
Posted in Dookie, Miasma, Stinky Animals, Stinky dead things, Stinky Food, Stinky products, Stinky substances
Tagged Andouillette, chitlins, chitterlings, fecal, feces, French Sausage, odor, pig colon, pig intestine, smell, Smelly, strong
And particularly “toe-jammie” is the Shasta Daisy, “Alaska” variety, common in flower gardens the world over. This large and lustrous botanical gem was given to us by the pioneer American horticulturist and botanist, Luther Burbank. Read excerpts from Burbank’s short monograph “The Shasta Daisy: How a Troublesome Weed was Remade into a Beautiful Flower”.
That should be “a beautiful, stinky flower.”
In all fairness, not every variety of Shasta Daisy reeks. There are some of the “Esther Reed” variety growing in my garden, and they don’t have any fragrance at all.
Posted in Stinky Feet
Tagged Alaska, beautiful, cheese, cultivar, Daisies, Daisy, flower, Shasta Daisies, Smelly, stinky, toe-jam
Addendum, 01-06-2008: There’s a collection of humorous limericks about Mr. Schoff’s accident posted over at poopreport.com
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) – It was the worst Christmas Eve ever.
That’s what Robert Schoff says and you’ll probably agree. The 77-year-old man spent part of Christmas Eve stuck upside down in his septic tank. The Iowa man said he was checking his septic system for a clog and fell in the opening.
His head was stuck inside while his feet were kicking in the air. That’s how his wife found him about an hour later. She called for help and two sheriff’s deputies yanked Schoff out of his stinky predicament.
Schoff says the rescue came just in time, because he couldn’t stand the septic tank much longer.
Posted in Dookie, Stinky Accidents
Tagged accident, Christmas, Des Moines, dirty, humorous, Iowa, limericks, poop, septic tank, Smelly, stinky. poopreport.com
…both literally, and figuratively, according to my late Grandmother, who was something of an “expert” on the English monarchies. So rotten, that when a group of men carried his dead body out, three died from the smell alone.
As a long-standing legend, this is delightful – the stuff that fishwives tales are made of. How fitting that this murderous megalomaniac, this bloated, syphlitic adulterer, none too clean to start with (this was in the days when the ostensibly “clean” people took baths once a month) should end up in such a state.
Posted in Stinky dead things, Stinky People
Tagged bath, body, clean, cold, disease, England, Henry VIII, Medieval, Smelly, stanky, stinky, syphilis, unclean, unwashed, wash
From Friends. One of Phoebe’s dubious creations, from a dubious show (imho).
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat
It’s not your fault
They won’t take you to the vet
You’re obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
You’re not friend to those with noses
Posted in Stinky Animals, Stinky Songs, Stinky Video
Tagged Cat, Friends, Jennifer Aniston, Lyrics, Phoebe, Sitcom, Smelly, Song, TV