Men: Do not staple your scrotum

I begin by noting that this is a true story, as Snopes.com details.

Scrotum Self-Repair

From the Unusual Case column of the July 1991 issue of “Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality,”

by William A. Morton, Jr.

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles.”

The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove
his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained
gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of
a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing
pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some
half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine
shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a
heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the
type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patient’s scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to
the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum
antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery
the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement
of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were
retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left
testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord
was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated
properly, though not much of a hematoma was present.
Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the
skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital
less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to
me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn’t leave the machine shop at
lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the
regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas
drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery. One day, as he
approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the
belt. When his scrotum became caught between the pulley-wheel and the
drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away.
Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to
feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work. I can only
assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

[William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester,
Pennsylvania.]

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2 responses to “Men: Do not staple your scrotum

  1. I actually read this publication in ’91. I was working as a data entry operator for an insurance company and this publication was in the break room. I showed it to a friend, who very dryly replied, “Hopefully, from now on he just has a cup of coffee and a fresh Onion(newspaper).” Over the years have told ppl about this article and no one ever believed me. I stumbled upon snopes.com after reading this month’s Reader’s Digest. I will be emailing this to everyone in my address book.

  2. Pingback: Men Do not staple your scrotum Things That Stink | Menopause Relief

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