Date: 2004-07-01, 2:15PM PDT
Don’t Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea….
CloudArse Ass-inine Bodily Fluids Dookie emissions Figurative Stench flatulence halitosis Historical Stench Just Disgusting Miasma Pop Culture Stench Serious Stench Stink Interdiction Stinky Accidents Stinky Animals Stinky dead things Stinky Food Stinky Incidents Stinky occupations Stinky People Stinky practices Stinky products Stinky Science Stinky Songs Stinky substances Stinky Video The Unwashed Masses TOXIC Wind
- 445,011 hits
SELECTED RELIGIOUS TREATISES ON THE SUBJECT OF POOPY