Nuked Dookie

Yet another odoriferous incident from the state in which I live, but this one much, much fouler than the story preceding this. In fact, you might not even want to read it if you’re not capable of “clinical detachment.”

Also, if you harbor any sort of misanthropic sentiments, this is not going to improve your overall opinion of humanity.

Foul Odor Leads to Shocking Discovery in Bremerton Apartment Building

BREMERTON

A foul smell that had been irritating tenants at an apartment building turned out to be an unkind gift left in the microwave.

An 87-year-old woman on Wednesday called Bremerton police to her apartment building on the 100 block of Lafayette Avenue North to tell police about the discovery, reports said.

The woman said on Monday evening she heard several complaints about the smell, a “foul odor.”

The woman looked for the source of the noxious stench, but was unable to find it until another resident told her it seemed to be emanating from a recreation room to which all residents have access.

The smell led her to the microwave.

“Inside the microwave, there was a substance that she determined was human feces,” the officer wrote in the report. “She said that it was not in any type of container and that it had been partially melted in the microwave.”

There were no suspects. The woman said she didn’t believe anyone in the apartment complex would do such a thing. (source)

How would you punish something like that? Any conventional penalty just doesn’t seem…well, creative enough.

Here’s a suggested warning label for microwaves, in case of “copycat crimes.”

The “Sunnyland Stench”

I would be remiss not to cover a current stench-situation in the town where I was born and raised, Bellingham, Washington. (no, not a suburb of Washington D.C., foreign folk – the state of Washington, NW corner of the U.S.).

Awful odor wafts over Bellingham neighborhoods

Coffee roasters, manufacturer possible sources

BELLINGHAM — An unpleasant odor wafting through neighborhoods has residents plugging their noses and searching for answers.

The offending aroma is known as the “Sunnyland Stench” in reference to the Sunnyland neighborhood, where the odor seems most prevalent. But people in neighborhoods such as York and Columbia also have smelled it, said Patrick McKee, the Sunnyland representative on the Mayor’s Neighborhood Advisory Commission.

The odor, described by residents as “chemical” and “sweet,” has been a problem for more than two years but has become stronger within the last year, McKee said….

Read the entire article

I hardly gave stench a second thought in Bellingham, growing up; it was just a fact of life. For the entire time that I was stretching into the 6’2″ frame I now occupy, the Georgia Pacific pulp mill was churning out emissions of one sort or another, down by the bay (it has in recent years severely cut back its operation). Its odor was so ubiquitous that a local publication once solicited opinions about what residents thought the “GP odor” smelled like. Opinions were of course, diverse, but the one I could relate to was “tuna on whitebread.”

Musky Matthew McConaughey

HUDSON BEGGED SMELLY McCONAUGHEY TO WEAR DEODORANT

Kate Hudson was so put off by her Fool’s Gold co-star Matthew Mcconaughey’s natural odour she begged him to reconsider his no-deodorant stance for love scenes. The movie hunk famously refuses to wear scents – something which his latest co-star found disgusting.

He reveals, “She always brings a salt rock, which is some natural deodorant, and says, ‘Would you please put this on?’ “I just never wore it. No cologne, no deodorant.” McConaughey insists Hudson is his only co-star who has ever complained about his smell, adding that a good diet and regular showers help him stay fresh.

He adds, “I take a few (showers) a day.” (source)

I’m sure you’re a very cleanliness-conscious guy, Matt, but the bit about the good diet is a load of crap. There is no diet which prevents bacteria from proliferating in the vicinity of the armpit. And as for the showers: I’m sure those help for a while, but my guess is that your armpits really do begin to stink under hot lights on the set.

I surmise that no one else complained about your pit odor because 1.) They weren’t outspoken enough to mention that you smell like a locker room 2.) They were so awed by your star status that they overlooked it (but probably whispered about it when your back was turned).

This is planet Earth, and people are people, wherever you go.

You’re completely free to continue avoiding deodorants, Matthew. Just don’t tell us that our noses are deceiving us. You might also consider moving to France, where no one will notice.* Heaven knows, you can probably afford it.