Monthly Archives: February 2008

A Malodorous Bloom

Smelly Orlando Bloom Needs To Wash More

Model girlfriend kicks up a stink over his poor personal hygiene…

Orlando Bloom’s on-off girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, is reportedly insisting the actor clean up his act – literally….

Read it (entertainmentwise.com)

Bloom and Kerr

Praise it

Flush This

Those smelly Serbians…

Boss Bans Smelly Undies

The boss of a Serbian company has banned staff from coming into work with dirty underwear.

Milomir Gligorijevic said: “I am fed up with people with poor personal hygiene standards. I have now made it a sackable offence for people to come in without having a shower – or with dirty underwear.”

He has also banned staff from smelling after eating garlic – warning that they need to make sure they brush their teeth – and use perfume and deodorant.

Gligorijevic, who runs a 30-staff stationery company in the capital Belgrade, sent out an official memo to all employees demanding they adopt good standards of personal hygiene. The memo warned all employees to make sure they brush their teeth, take showers regularly and change their underpants every day. He did not say how he would make sure his clean underpants rule was followed but warned it would be enforced. ananova

From the [Pakistan] Daily Times

Praise it

Flush This

From The Best of Craigslist: “Don’t Shave Your Ass-Hair!”

WARNING!!!

Date: 2004-07-01, 2:15PM PDT

Don’t Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea….

Read the entire smelly story

Praise it

Flush This

“The Scoop on Poop”

The original (purportedly) poop FAQ. Everything you didn’t want to know about the brown stuff. Bonus: A photo of giant African land-snail poop.

http://www.heptune.com/poop.html

Praise it

Flush This

Forget the Axe™, go with the pit-stink

Well, I think it’s pretty clear that wearing Axe™ or Tag™ doesn’t induce women to knock over displays at the grocery store trying to jump your bones…so, men, if you’re really desperate, maybe just letting those pits simmer in the summer sun will get you noticed.

Ya think, ladies?

Male Sweat Boosts Women’s Hormone Levels

[Excerpt]

..Sweat has been the main focus of research on human pheromones, and in fact, male underarm sweat has been shown to improve women’s moods and affect their secretion of luteinizing hormone, which is normally involved in stimulating ovulation…

Read the article

Now, is this a good job, or what?

Praise it

Flush This

What do 500 tons of rotting carp smell like?

I hope to never find out.

Fish raise a mighty stink

HUNDREDS of tonnes of dead fish have been left to rot in Lake Colac [Australia], with authorities saying they are unable to clean them up.

More than 500 tonnes of carp died as a result of rising salinity and falling water levels in the lake in the state’s southwest.

As the lake continues to recede, forecasters say rainfall prospects are not good for southern Australia in autumn and winter.

It is the fourth, and largest, mass fish death in the lake since 2006…

Read the entire article

Praise it

Flush This

Putrified, Rancid Skate: An Icelandic Delicacy

 

Speaking of putrified skate, I had an opportunity to smell one, many years ago. I was on vacation in Long Beach, Washington, and while beachcombing one day, encountered a dead skate upon the beach. It was the worst goddamned thing I ever smelled. In fact, it became the standard to which I likened the smell of fresh-cooked lutefisk (which I haven’t written about here, yet).

Having had this experience, I shuddered involuntarily when I happened upon an article extolling the gustatory virtues of Skata, a “timeless” Icelandic standard, which falls under the loose and ill-defined category of “fermented animal products.” Quite simply, before cooking and consumption, the skate must be prepared by being “kept for weeks under stones and turf and then being hung out for drying in the cold climate.”

Sounds like rotten fish, to me. However, the author of the article “Strange Smelling Delicacy” at The Iceland Review online insists that “…it is by no means rotten or damaged. It is only fermented like cheese, and is very healthy…”

I would like to take a moment here to correct a misconception that this author is promoting, as countless others have done before him–

There are a number of animal-based foods from different parts of the world that are described as being “fermented.” However, the term is erroneous when applied to such foods because fermentation properly means the decomposition of carbohydrates, and since animal tissues are composed of proteins and lipids, and contain at most only traces of carbohydrates, the operative processes in the transformation undergone by these foods are actually putrefaction and rancidification. (source)

So, Skata, its “health benefits” and “gustatory delights” notwithstanding, is a putrified, rancid skate. Which is exactly what I would expect to result from burying a dead fish, and then hanging it out to dry. That’s why it’s “strong smelling.” Because it’s freakin’ rotten.

Me – I’ll opt for a nice fresh piece of halibut grilled in butter, any day.

Praise it

Flush This

British Airways: The Dead Fly First Class

BA sat corpse in first class

A BRITISH Airways passenger travelling first class has described how he woke up on a long-haul flight to find that cabin crew had placed a corpse in his row.

The body of a woman in her seventies, who died after the plane left Delhi for Heathrow, was carried by cabin staff from economy to first class, where there was more space. Her body was propped up in a seat, using pillows.

The woman’s daughter accompanied the corpse, and spent the rest of the journey wailing in grief.

Paul Trinder, who awoke to see the body at the end of his row, last week described the journey as “deeply disturbing”, and complained that the airline dismissed his concerns by telling him to “get over it”.

Read the entire article

Line from Bram Stoker’s Dracula: ‘For the Dead Fly Fast’

Praise it

Flush This

Corpse Buddy

Man lived with lodger’s body for years

corpsebuddy.pngAn elderly man lived for years with the body of his dead lodger on the sofa of his council flat in Bristol.

The man, who is in his seventies, never reported the death of his dead friend and officials never suspected anything despite a stench that neighbours complained about repeatedly.

The corpse was found in the living room after council workers finally responded to complaints about the foul smell coming from the flat.

It is not clear how long the corpse remained in the flat. One neighbour told the Bristol Evening Post that he moved into his flat eight years ago after the previous tenants left because of the vile stench – but police dismissed reports that it could have been there for a decade.

A police spokesman said: “It has been suggested that the body may have been there for as long as ten years. This is incorrect, although it is fair to say we believe it was there for several years.

Read the entire article

Praise it

Flush This

The stench of war…and death

The Stench of war…and death
Lebanon, 2006. The stench of death: Children hold their
noses as they pass corpses in a truck. Source: habeeb.com
——

Praise it

Flush This