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52 Ways to Make

52 Ways to Make

When you can walk the toilet paper without tearing it, little pooper, then it will be time for you to go.

Kama Pootra

Thar Be Boobies

I’ve always thought bedroom role-playing was kind of silly, and the step beyond that – “furry culture” – absolutely makes my skin crawl. Some people are into it, though, and go to great lengths: props, elaborate costumes, etc. This video short from “Robot Chicken,” entitled “Thar Be Boobies,” doesn’t go so far as that, and its outcome is less than satisfying for the participants, but it does serve to make a point: all ye lasses who thrill to the idea of a bawdy romp with a Corsair from days of yore, be glad...yea, verily, be overjoyed that it’s naught but a fantasy, because the reality….well, you really don’t want to go there.

On Polishing a Turd

polished-poopIn a recent discussion over at Google+, someone used the metaphorical term “polish a turd.” I sat and thought about that concept over my morning coffee (heaven forbid, but there it is). Then I Googled it. And sure enough, it is possible to make a grogan gleam, to make shit shine, to make dookie dazzle, yea, verily, to impart a luster to a log. But I’m quite sure turd polishing is not going to become an art form anytime soon. However, I could be wrong; this is America.

The inimitable Mythbusters demonstrate, here: http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/polishing-a-turd-minimyth.htm

What’s up Your Butt

Public health advertisements which read “What’s up your butt?” and feature people with pained expressions on their faces, will not grace billboards in Benton and Franklin counties after all. It’s probably for the best: I know that the sight of someone grimacing because the doc is plumbing their back-passage doesn’t exactly inspire me to head down to the clinic to get my keester probed. Might as well have them biting down on a pencil.

Via the Bellingham, WA Herald

Health district pulls out of colon cancer campaign

KENNEWICK — The Benton Franklin Health District will not endorse a colon cancer billboard campaign after all.

Benton County Commissioner Jim Beaver, who is chairman the health district board, announced Thursday, “Benton County won’t be a supporter of that particular advertisement and that campaign.”

Plans were to bring the “What’s up your butt?” campaign from Yakima County to the Tri-Cities. It uses provocative language to encourage testing for colon cancer.

Read more: http://www.bellinghamherald.com/2011/04/22/1980473/benton-franklin-health-district.html#storylink=mirelated#ixzz1NWTDYpPJ

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This Coke Smells Like Crap

Snorting coke is very glamorous.

A Boston woman was arrested recently at Logan International Airport as she attempted to smuggle cocaine, packed in a bag of dirty diapers,  into the U.S.  She claims that she did not know what she was transporting, but that she owed aman in the Dominican Republic money, and this is how she was paying off her debt

The drugs were discovered when other passengers complained about a putrid smell emanating from a particular piece of luggage.

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Montreal Carjacker Steals Van Packed with Dirty Diapers

(What a hose-head – ed.)

Via globalsaskatoon.com

Carjacker steals van toting 500 pounds of dirty diapers

It’s one of the most unusual thefts, let alone stinky.

But on Tuesday, diaper delivery truck driver Marc Sabourin was carjacked.

On a break between deliveries, a man wearing a leather jacket and aviator sunglasses approached Sabourin and asked if he was selling something.

“I said, ‘I don’t sell anything, ‘I’m a diaper delivery service.’ Then he jams the car door open and says, ‘Get out’,” Sabourin explained….

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Utah Lad Wins 36th National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest

Excerpt from full article in the Deseret Times:

They rated the shoes for condition and smell, eventually settling on [Sterling] Brinkerhoff’s torn, once-white low cuts as the worst of the worst.

“They were foul,” said Fraser, a 17-time judge. “There were two or three (entries) that were the kind you smell from a distance.”

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The Brown Marmorated Stinkbug: Coming soon to your neighborhood….

…if they’re not already there, that is.

I have smelled this bug. It does indeed smell foul, but not in the way you might think. It’s not a fecal sort of smell, nor does it smell like decaying flesh or garbage. It’s a pungent, difficult to describe sort of smell, more akin to a noxious chemical than something organic. It’s the kind of stink that you imagine you can still smell hours after your first whiff.

Or maybe you can…smell it hours later, that is.

Read about it

Beware: Very Stinky

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Image credit: The Bugwood Network/Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

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The Voodoo Lily: “Dead mice in a plastic bag.”

Via msnbc.com

Voodoo lily blooms — and the stench is unreal
Odor of Minnesota Zoo flower just as advertised: ‘Dead mice in a plastic bag’

By Andrea Mustain
Our Amazing Planet

A voodoo lily at the Minnesota Zoo has finally begun to flower, and the rare, oversized bloom, with its signature scent of death and decay, is bringing in a cloud of intrigued admirers….

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Image credit: U.S. Botanic Garden/Wikimedia Commons

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A poopy travesty of justice

Knowing how some dog-owners are irresponsible about cleaning up after their mutts, I can see how this lady flipped out after stepping in dookie. When I worked for the local City Parks, it was a municipal code that it was a crime for people not to pick up  their dogs poop after going in the park.  Of course, this law was unenforcable – the cops were too busy, and the Parks administration had deemed it to risky for park workers to approach potentially crazy persons with vicious dogs.  So, each morning when I worked in this one particular park doggy toilet, I would see multiple residents of the fine old turn-of-the-century homes that  surrounded the park, arriving in turns with Fido on a leash, to take his morning dump. And they never picked it up.

You can’t count on most people to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. And you can’t count on the boys in blue to mediate the situation. So who can you count on?

Answer: You can count on spike to leave nauseating pile of crap under the sycamore tree.

Here’s a possible strategy I though up for lashing back at people who leave their dog’s land mines on public or private property.

Meanwhile, read it and weep.

APERVILLE, Ill., Sept. 17 (UPI) – An Illinois woman was arrested for allegedly smearing dog droppings on a neighbor’s patio after stepping in it, authorities said.

Susan M. Miller, 43, of Naperville, Ill., was charged with disorderly conduct, the Chicago Tribune.

Naperville police say Miller also took a sign advising apartment residents to clean up after their dogs and placed it, along with green plastic bags used for cleaning up dog waste, on the same neighbor’s patio.

When police arrived at the apartment in answer to a complaint, they found Miller chasing a cat through the complex.

She yelled at the officers, asking if they “were there about the (neighbor) with dog poop,” the police report said.

Police arrested Miller — after she caught up with her roommate’s cat, the report said.

Miller was later released on bail.

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